If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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