I heard we made out
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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