i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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