So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
