In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You can't motorboat a personality
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
