shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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