your thong is hanging out like whoa
my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
