im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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