Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
