Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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