btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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