ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize