The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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