You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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