It's Friday. Sex?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
