I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
