I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
