You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
