hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
