OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
