At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
