Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
