i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
