Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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