Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
