Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize