just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just invented taco cereal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
