Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're too hungover to prance.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize