I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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