Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
