hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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