Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
