Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize