I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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