Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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