Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
