Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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