You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
