I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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