Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
