Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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