You're so nebulous sometimes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
