Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
