Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just pynch a tree in the face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
