Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
