i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come share oat with me in your robe
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
