Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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