one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
