Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
