hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She is in my trunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
