Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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