The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
