with your own penis?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
