So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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