She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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