they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
