I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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