I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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