i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
