Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
