Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
