i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
