spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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