i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no you cant smoke seaweed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
