All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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