Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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