One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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