he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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